The Science of Togetherness

On the surface, the holiday season sparkles with festive lights and ribbon-tied gifts. It’s a time infused with love, yes often overshadowed by consumerism and heightened social pressure to create an instagram-worthy feast. It’s no wonder that most Americans (9 out of 10 adults) feel stressed and find it hard to live up to expectations during the holiday season. The most common sources of holiday stress? Financial strain (58%), finding the right gifts (40%), and having too much to do (32%). In the time leading up to the holidays, it can feel like one too many things to add to our already too-long to-do lists.

Despite this added stress, most people still see holiday gatherings as a positive experience. In fact, the same survey shows 70% agree that the holiday stress is worth it, and 84% believe it fosters a sense of togetherness. What if the true magic of the holidays isn’t found in a gift bag, but rather in the moments that create fond memories, deepen social connections, and inspire gratitude for being surrounded by loved ones?

This holiday season, let’s shift the focus on being together and what that can offer to our well-being.

The joy of holiday gatherings go far beyond thoughtful gifts, decorations, and festive meals. These moments of togetherness strengthen our relationships and offer lasting cognitive benefits that make the season truly magical.

Let’s find out how we can better protect our mental health during the holidays.

Oxytocin, often referred to as the “love” hormone, is released during physical closeness, like hugging, creating an emotional bond. This powerful neurochemical reaction can help fight loneliness and foster trust and deepen our emotional bonds.¹ By sharing a warm hug, holding hands, or even cuddling with a pet, oxytocin’s release can create moments of connection that resonate long after the holiday season. The holidays provide a rare opportunity to step away from daily distractions and responsibilities, creating space to reunite with loved ones and savor moments of genuine human connection.

Holiday Hack: Incorporate more physical closeness or gestures of thoughtfulness. Hug your loved ones a little tighter or surprise someone with a homemade gift to strengthen your bond.

Holiday traditions offer more than just festive rituals—they create a sense of predictability and emotional security. Research shows that family rituals are closely linked to experiencing greater enjoyment of the holidays, fostering deeper emotional closeness and strengthening group identity.²

Holiday Hack: Start a new tradition of your own. Try writing gratitude cards instead of your standard holiday cards by taking the time to express why you’re grateful for that person in your life. Not a fan of card-writing? Try saying it aloud. 

Engaging in group activities like singing or opening gifts together can significantly amplify joy throughout the group, leaving a ripple effect of happiness. This phenomenon, known as emotional contagion, refers to emotions spreading among individuals in a group, leading to a shared emotional experience.³ This neurological reaction occurs from mirror neurons, which explains why you feel emotions when watching someone else have an emotional reaction, even through a screen.⁴ When the emotional contagion is from a positive experience (we can also experience this from negative emotions), it can lead to feeling less stressed.

Holiday Hack: Plan group activities that encourage laughter and joy. A cookie-decorating contest can bring everyone closer to create an atmosphere of shared fun.

Storytelling is a powerful way to reinforce shared memories and by simply reminiscing on old times can strengthen emotional bonds among family members. Whether it’s a grandparent sharing tales from their past or everyone recalling their favorite holiday moments, these stories deepen familial bonds and provide a sense of connection through shared history.

Holiday Hack: Create space for storytelling at your next family gathering. Encourage each person to share a favorite memory or a meaningful moment from the past year. This small action helps create positive memories for years to come.

Holiday gatherings don't need to be yet another source of stress at the end of an already long year. The science of togetherness reminds us that the real magic of the season isn’t in the decorations or the gifts, but in the shared hugs, laughter, and stories that strengthen our bonds and help find ways to fight loneliness.

This year, try letting go of the pressure to make everything perfect and instead lean into the moments that bring joy, connection, and a sense of belonging. It’s those memories, not the material things, that will carry you long past the holiday season.

¹Patin, A., Scheele, D., & Hurlemann, R. (2018). Oxytocin and Interpersonal Relationships. Current topics in behavioral neurosciences, 35, 389–420. https://doi.org/10.1007/7854_2017_22

²Sezer, O., Norton, M. I., Gino, F., & Vohs, K. D. (2016). Family rituals improve the holidays. Journal of the Association for Consumer Research, 1(4), 509-522. https://doi.org/10.1086/688495

³Herrando, C., & Constantinides, E. (2021). Emotional Contagion: A Brief Overview and Future Directions. Frontiers in psychology, 12, 712606. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.712606

⁴Fivush, R., Zaman, W., & Merrill, N. (2017). Developing social functions of autobiographical memory within family storytelling. In Family storytelling and the development of autobiographical memory (pp. 38–54). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780198737865.003.0003